Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
