you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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