you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
