it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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