those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
