saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
