Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
