I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
