take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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