I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
