if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
