i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
