Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
