You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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