my soul wont recognize me after tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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