if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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