well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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