I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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