i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
