the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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