so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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