so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
