He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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