Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
