How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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