Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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