dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
