You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
