Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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