Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
