please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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