no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
