well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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