I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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