Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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