i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
