Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
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beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So vagazzling was a success
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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