You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
