so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
