I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
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My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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