I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
