im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
