Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize