An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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