Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
