screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
