Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry about my life...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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