thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
