I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
