Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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