This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
