I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
