he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
