Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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