So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
