I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
