new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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