it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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