I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
