i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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