My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
