If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
