so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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