Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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