she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
