I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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