Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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