I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
