You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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