and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just found a bag of teeth...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
