I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
FUCK WHALES
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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