Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
